Hey there, my name is Forest (long story), and because most of you will people like ‘WTF DIS WIL BE SUM CRAP NERD BLOG’

Since the tree up there looked squashed and very unhappy, here we are again.

I thought I’d give you a shout what I’m all about and a jolly friendly introduction into games and things.

Okay, well I’m all about turning the harder bits of games such as the daunting world of v.10.6.8.8.3.2 firmware into something a bit more friendlier. And before anyone calls me ‘CASUAL GAMER SCUM’ I’ll have you know I beat Ikruga. (Youtube it. It’s the nails.)

So to get the ball rolling, I thought I’d start of with something fairly simple – a top ten* games list. You gotta love them. Bare in mind this is my opinion, and if you think this is a sensible list OR feel I’m being a jerk and clearly missed out Hannah Montana then shout at me in the comments section below. Whether or not I’ll read them is another thing.

Okay let’s rock. I’ll keep it short and schweet.

9. Halo: Combat Evolved  2001 Xbox, Windows, Mac

Okay, there’s a bloke in green armour (American Translation: armor) who’s hard as nails. He shoots aliens. So far it’s the same plot as Space Invaders, and even a non hardcore gamer knows that was a fair bit ago. But throw in a sprawling landscapes, great set pieces and the fact that it’s bloody hard when it wants to be makes it a win. Plus who doesn’t want that funky green armour?

8: Batman: Arkham Asylum 2009 Xbox 360, Playstation 3, Windows, Mac

Batman is a kick ass kinda guy. Problem is, up until a few years ago, they gave his suit nipples. This made him slightly homoerotic. However the recent Batman films have sorted that out, and he’s now badass, talking in a raspy voice. Awesome films always end up with a crap game to go with it. Not so here though. Although B:AA technically isn’t from a film, it encaptures it’s style by recreating those dark, dank corridors, letting you fully control The Bat’s gadgets, and letting you feel like a high flying karate ninja. It’s such a good game. Go play it. Now.

7. Super Mario 64 1996 Nintendo 64

O-o is probably what your thinking.

‘WTF FOREST THIS CLEARLY SHOUD B FURDER’

It certainly is pretty good. You good use a ‘ZOMG control stick’ to move the Italian guy ZOMG360 degrees. Genius! Hop and jump around colourful and varied levels. Brilliant! That secret slide. Wowza! Love it, but there’s other games I love just a little bit more. You should’ve played this. The only reason you didn’t should be because you weren’t born. Fair enough – download it on the Wii Shop now.

6. Super Mario World 1990 Super Nintendo Entertainment System

It’s got everything I liked about the game before, except it’s 2D. In fact it’s probably the best 2D game ever. Level are designed so well. The music is so catchy. The graphics are so lovely. Alot of effort was put into that game, and it’s dead easy to pick up and play it on the Gameboy Advance remake (Super Mario World: Super Mario Advance 2) on the cheap. Go on, I dare you.

5. Grand Theft Auto IV 2008 Playstion 3

That’s four. And it is the game that basically lets you do what ever the heck you like, letting you live out your wildest, possibly illegal fantasies. nick a car, drive along the road at 140mph, crash into a wall, get thrown out, get up, nick another, get chased by the police, then shoot them with a rocket launcher. The game is set in ‘Liberty City’ (cough New York) and takes the Micky out of modern America in every way it can. To be honest that is all you need to know. Gutted if your under 18 though as it contains interesting words that rhyme with ‘mother duck’.

4. Super Smash Brothers Brawl 2008 Nintendo Wii

A mad game this. Think of all the Nintendo characters. Then make them fight. I was so excited, I bought the game FIRST HAND. It’s such a well made game. Massively hyped and very successful, even the creator posted daily updates on his website to show off his game creation skillz.

3. Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time 1998 Nintendo 64

This is considered a masterpiece of a game, a piece of art that juxtapositions adventure with the life of a young boy.

Sod that, it’s a game where you knick a sword from a forest, then go around chopping grass for money. But the nerds are right, your character goes around dungeons which range from a giant tree, a giant dragon cavern and inside a giant fish’s stomach. Then he knicks a bigger sword from a magic temple, grows into a man, then goes around chopping up the baddies in other temples until he finally reaches the princess in the castle.

Okay, I’ll be honest I didn’t give the game enough respect that people believe it deserves. It was a monumental effort to create a game which you care about how it was made, as you run though fields and climb through canyons to beat the bad guy. It rocks.

2. Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask 2000 Nintendo 64

The game above is still considered the greatest game of all time according to countless forums. But I’m not a forum – I’m a student who goes out to get laid.

This game is the younger brother to Ocarina of Time. The same hero is in it, world saved, back as a young boy. He gets mugged and ends up in a twisted parallel world filled with beaches, snow capped mountains, swamps and a large canyon. To be honest, ending up in a parallel world after getting mugged is a bit of a blow. To make matters worse the moon in the sky is will crash into the world in three days.

Crap.

Majora’s Mask has everything I liked about OOoT and more. Everyone knew they were going to die. Each individual character had there own little problems you had to solve, before you die as well. It was dark. It was clever. It was twisted. It was better.

But everyone else won’t believe me.

Okay Number One. They’ll be tears, and you HD bumchums will hate me, but you know I’m right.

1. POKEMON GOLD AND SILVER Gameboy Color 1999

That’s what I’m talking about. I’ll some up why I liked it in a few words.                                                                                                   Had good Pokemon – didn’t try to be too serious like future games.                                                                                                                   It was a massive success.                                                                                                                                                                                         Had banging choons.                                                                                                                                                                                                         A massive adventure.                                                                                                                                                                                                   All crammed into the Gameboy Color.

Okay, I’m nearly on 1100 words, and I think that’ll do.

Heavily Confused? Stupidly Furious? Turned On?

Shoot me down for not mentioning Call of Duty 4 in the comments section, aaaaaand cheers for hearin’ me out.

Love,

Forest

*EPIC UPDATE: Actually it’s become nine. There’s a strong reason why I don’t want to be an accountant when I grow up.